i can't believe the year is ending soon ... so many things happened
a lot of horrible and a lot of great things, i probably don't have to mention them.
what makes this year different for me is the fact that i'm gonna turn 20 basically right after the new years.
like... wdym i'm growing up and existing as a person... wdym i'm not gonna live like a thousand years... ok 80 years is a lot, but... i already spent
a quarter of it. and YEAH life is the longest thing i'll ever experience, besides death i guess XD but... damn. i still remember my past birthdays,
i still remember the friends i made and the friends that drifted away. i still remember going to elementary and goofing around, i still remember
feeling suicidal in middle school. i can still remember this weirdly vivid memory of me as a baby crawling to my mom in our old house.
it's odd to wanna give your friends gifts when it's YOUR birthday, but i feel like they deserve at least something for staying by my side
and going through life with me. i appreciate them a lot. especially my girlfriend, we've been together for more than a year. we became official last june
which is kinda funny cuz june is pride month :'D i love her so much she's so sweet and beautiful and i wish she could see herself the way i see her.
i got exams at the end of the month, rn they're basically 2 weeks away (11 days away specifically) and auguhhh i've been stressing about them cuz
they're finals ... i shouldn't be that nervous cuz they ask the same questions they put on their site, like 10 questions for each topic and they just
copy-paste them. i noticed it cuz i was like "what if i memorised these as well" and wow ! they do! so i don't HAVE to study i can just memorise stuff, but.
would that be good ?? i actually wanna know SOME stuff about my profession, ik memorising isn't gonna be enough. not even close :P if i wanna have jobs
as a graphic designer then i should know a few things, i don't wanna be someone that just passed by using ai on their essays :[ i'll never resort to that ofc
but it'll feel like it.
whatever :P i'll find a way to get thru this. fuck it we ball
LOOK FOR THE GUMMY BEAR ALBUM IN STORES ON NOVEMBER 13TH!!! /ref
sooo haiii :3 sorry for not updating for almost a month, i haven't being a lot XD besides playing games, studying, doing whatever :P so i forgot to...
tho i do wanna say ... to sewnfkt (one of my fave musician/artists) THANK U SO MUCH FOR UR ENTRY ON MY GUESTBOOK :DDD when i saw that it was like 5 AM so i couldn't write a thank you or whatevs, i had to go sleep yk? anything beyond 4-5 AM and i start feeling like SHIT for torturing my body XD but once again ty :D it made my night or morning or whatever u could call it. ur sound is so so unique it's perfect for my ears IT'S SO GOOD!!! u scratch my brain so good :3
other than that, twelve days ago it was my oc's birthday :D HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALONZO!!! speaking of ocs me n two of my friends restarted an rp we left off, like with a fresh start n stuff (we didn't do much the first time anyway XD) and omg i'm so glad we did cuz i missed being able to have consistent rps!! it's so so so fun i forgot how fun it was :D what i love doing for rps is draw things and make videos for the events as well, so being able to do that again also feels AMAZING !!! i love drawing i love editing i love my ocs NHGHGJHGHKLGFKHL!!! /very positive reaction
oh also this october the bells of mizu5 tolled for me as well so i was shellshocked about the event for a good while :'DD she deserves so much better ughhh
i was normally gonna update this on october 9th but i ended up forgetting about it XD sorry about that
idk what's up with october but it's been one of the more chaotic months for like... a few years for me. either something happens or something foreshadows a future event like it's a comedy skit. i hope the foreshadowing didn't happen because idk what discord being banned in my country, the weird explosion of femicides being reported, etc. will be a sign for something way worse. i don't want things to get worse than this.
other than this, i've been doing..... okay? i guess? i started goretober this month but i decided to pause it but it made me loose my groove (studying pace) and trying to study while drawing at the same time didn't work for me. i'm gonna try to upload drawings in bulk and make them more simple, cuz my exams are in NOVEMBER !!!! at the very start of the month not exaggerating. i'm taking them on 2nd and 3rd of november . i have like 2 weeks to prepare and i should be fine if i just. push myself but it's really hard to push myself so i'm just in this loop of everything becoming a guilty pleasure (not studying makes me feel guilty but i love drawing, hanging out with my friends, playing games etc.) I HATE IT!!!!!! I WISH STUDYING WAS EASIER
ig i'll thug it out tho :P i just gotta 'fuck it we ball' my way outta this. i really wanna do something good with my life . i wanna be successful and happy. and live in australia. every day i spend here just makes me yearn more. i don't care if i end up working at a cheese factory, at least i can afford life and things i enjoy a lot more easily compared to this country's current standards. i can even save up money to see my girlfriend. she's all the way in canada i just wanna hold her so bad i wanna spoil her and do everything with her GUHHHGHGJHKFJKHFJHFJDLKHGJDFLHGJFDGJKDFHGJKFDHGLFHDKJ
i hope the future will be alright for me. i don't wanna live like this bro !!! i'll work hard for the future even though it physically hurts to force myself sometimes. but it's nothing i can't overcome. i've been through way worse things. i can do it.
i haven't been studying for a good week because shark week worsens my adhd symptoms, aka i got my concentration and memory a bit
more fucked up for at least around a week (if we include premenstrual syndrome). taking breaks during those times is good,
i get to rest up n stuff, but it still makes me feel guilty.
i wish i could study every day and not struggle that much like others, but i got unlucky with that life lottery :P i just gotta
thug it out i guess
i'll try to study tomorrow, and also clean up my bookshelf n reorganise it. i gotta stay productive at least a little bit so i get happy
from completing tasks and then treat myself with something nice to keep myself going. u really gotta treat life like a game when u have adhd
or else it's gonna be hell XD
besides the expected struggle with school, i got a new haircut two days ago!! i would show pics but i don't wanna :P so just imagine something
like a wolf cut but more wavy (cuz of my hair texture) :] i also got myself red nail polish!! i painted my nails with it a few mins ago and i combo'd
it with black, it looks awesome !! you guys should try it if you have black n red nail polish (doesn't actually have to be red)
i also got myself a comb that can massage your scalp, hair mousse to help with hair styling and body spray ! :D
i'll review my items right now why not :P
i used it while i was showering for the full effect, it did say that it helps shampoo your hair soooo....
it felt really good on my scalp :D at first i focused on de-tangling my hair but then i started to use it on my scalp and it felt like scratching
an itch that i was never aware of.... i might just comb my hair when i'm bored but i don't wanna style it back once i'm done XD
as for "helping with shampooing your hair" part, i think it helped a bit :] i didn't pay too much attention cuz like i said, my scalp was experiencing
heavenly bliss, so i can't go that in dept for this.
overall i say it was worth getting it !! it can be annoying to clean it once you're done tho, specifically getting out the dead hairs :[ 7.5/10
so for the hair mousse i think it should still be on trial cuz i feel like i applied it wrong. the bottle had nothing about whether you should apply it for damp/wet hair or dried hair, and when i dried my hair it was too late cuz.... i forgot i wanted to try the mousse XD
the internet said to apply it on damp hair but my hair was dried up already so i applied it on my dried hair instead, it made my hair feel a lil sticky like a really tiny amount, but my hands got stickier. it's scent does remind me of apples tho sooo that's an extra point! ???/10 (cuz it's not fair to rank it when i don't know if i used it right or not, will update when i test it again)
this one... omg .... top 10 purchases of all time tbh
i was originally gonna get the same body spray i had at home, but i had a big urge to try a new scent as well, so after trying to use the
busted ass testers (like. some of them didn't have stickers to indicate they were testers, and they had their heads off ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜) i settled with
a body spray called "jungle fever"
the scent notes are like uhhh
top notes: lemon, mandarin orange, bergamot
middle/heart notes : lily
base notes : musk, sandalwood
and ... lemme tell u ....IT SMELLS SO GOOD !!!!! it's rlly refreshing and fruity :D i'm glad i decided to try a different scent !! 10/10
oh also the body spray that's currently running out is called vanilla spice and it's notes are this :
top notes: mandarin orange, coconut, apple
middle/heart notes : tuberose, jasmine (website also mentions sweet and milky scents ???? idk what that means)
base notes : vanilla, amber
can u tell i like fruity n warm smells .. i swear the last time i used any "sweet" smelling perfumes it always smelled like candy and it was lowkey obnoxious 😠if this is what good sweet scent notes are like then i guess i like sweet scents too !! this one is also a 10/10 btw :]
i guess that's all the interesting things i have to write :P i hope u have a good rest of ur day !! ty for reading all the way up to this point :]
hello !!! haiii :3 it's been a minute since i updated the journal :P i just didn't really know what to write about XD
well maybe except for the fact that i'll start classes in 2 days from now! i'm really excited :] the classes i'll be taking
seems interesting too, so hopefully that'll help me out!
tho i'm kinda worried about the exams. i've seen some people online talking about their difficulty, i really hope i can get through them. i'm also worried about how i'm gonna do whatever the hell i gotta do regarding exams online. i'm struggling with getting into the site where we do that kinda stuff :[] i don't know how to explain it sorry if the sentences are all messed up, like i'm genuinely struggling
i really hope i can find a solution to this, or maybe even not needing to use it, that'd be awesome XD i guess we'll wait and see?
i hope my school year will be fun or at least as productive as i can make it !! i'm genuinely excited for school, in a good way,
and like i said before, it's basically for the first time in forever. i gotta utilise these feelings to my advantage and push myself forward !!
aside from school talk, i think i can talk about another thing, and that is
THE FACT THAT ROBLOX IS STILL BANNED HERE!!!! SO IS WATTPAD!??!
i figured my own way of getting into those sites + i prefer ao3, but CMON USING VPN TO PLAY DRESS TO IMPRESS IS FUCKING INSANE ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ GET ME OUT OF HEREEEE
AND WHAT ABOUT THE PPL THAT DON'T KNOW HOW TO BYPASS THE BLOCK ?? they're banning READING and PLAYING GAMES bro it's so over. i guess roblox was expected
cuz it does have a pretty bad moderation system, but i've seen fake screenshots floating around and being used as a reason/excuse for the ban IT'S MAKING ME
LOSE MY MINDDDD
the photos that were spread around when the ban was still new had like. a blue bar at the side of speech bubbles, and i'm pretty sure that means they
were made in roblox studio, not put out there by real people. oh but these fools can't even do proper journalism to save their lives so why am i surprised lmao
i hope we get better i really do, i hope the fools around here get their heads out of their ass too :P might take a while but i believe in humanity
hello future viewers !! i'm writing this as i'm developing my new layout :D i'm gonna try to be more active and write more journal entries here
(unless i forget that promise XD). if you viewed my site before then you might be wondering about my past entries...
i honestly feel like i overshared a bit + a lot of things have happened, so in my heart and head it just feels right to archive the entries
away :] plus i randomly felt really self-conscious about my entries so i REALLY have to get rid of em :'D i hope you understand.
i really should be more active on here, it's so fun to browse around in neocities and finding cool sites, following them, reading the journal/blog entries, visiting shrines, playing games etc. neocities is such a beautiful thing and i appreciate it so much.
i was born in 2005, so i couldn't experience geocities at all. when it shut down in 2009, i was just 4 years old. i also wish i could experience the very early stages of the internet, especially the 90's and early 2000's. it definitely would have flaws like the current internet, but i just know it was a much different experience. i'm sure it had it's own charm even if it would be barebones compared to today.
oh well tho shit happens :'D imma talk more about what's been going on with me.
I FINALLY GOT INTO A UNI PROGRAM !!!!! :Di'm gonna be studying at istanbul university!! and i'll be taking a 2 year graphic design program :DDD i'm SO HAPPY ! honestly i was lucky to get in somewhere cuz for some reason they increased and decreased some certain programs' points, and apparently linguistics were hit especially hard... and guess what exam i took... LINGUISTICS!!!!!! FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE!!!
i got into like the top 20.000's with my score and i STILL COULDN'T GET INTO ANY UNIVERSITY !!!! tho maybe it's a good thing? cuz i heard that the distant learning programs can be quite challenging, so maybe studying two majors at the same time wasn't that good of a plan...? still hurts tho
my school year starts at 16th of september i think, i'm SO excited :D it's been such a long time since i've been excited for school, so i also can't help but feel proud of myself. i've been struggling with academics and school in general after being ostracised n bullied, so this is literally like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. like HOLY SHIT !!!! I'M RIGHT THERE I'M MAKING IT !!! I GOT THIS !!
i also can't wait to go to australia, my brother's been living there since march i believe, and he's been sharing his experiences with me. it motivates me a lot :] i'm gonna do my best in uni (or at least try to) and hopefully finally go there and live a good life :] i just gotta clench my teeth for 2 more years or so, and then i'm finally out